The signal for me that something was wrong was burnout. At first I didn’t recognise the signs. I had been quite successful in my own business as a Fashion and Image consultant. I had been working at this for fourteen years when all of a sudden (or so it seemed) it became too hard. I had no patience with my clients – I couldn’t make myself get enthused about anything anymore.

FEELING OLD – LOSS OF CONFIDENCE

 I suddenly felt I wasn’t attractive anymore. I couldn’t remember whether I put on my deodorant and I continually felt like I needed an afternoon nap. I thought I was falling apart and I was only 49 years old.

LIGHT BULB MOMENT

 I was watching TV one day during this time of confusion when I saw three well known women interviewed. I cannot remember who they were but I do remember them describing wanting time out from their busy schedules to sit in the sun. They talked about their journeys to find a ‘new self’. How this had taken about twelve months. One, who owned and ran a successful fashion business had sold this business. After taking twelve months off had decided to do what she loved most and that was to go back to designing. She explained how many of her friends had not been able to take this time out because they were not in a financial position to do so.

I could identify with these women – that was how I felt, totally overwhelmed and just wanting to sit in the sun.  I then decided I would take time out to decide what it was I really wanted to do and so began my ‘journey to myself’ 

PREVIOUSLY 

I had been a single mum since I was 42 when widowed. I had sole responsibility for my three teenage daughters. By the time I was 49 they had all left home. Not only was I coping with all these physical changes, I was coping with the emotional changes of the ‘empty nest’ syndrome. I had always been somebody’s something – a daughter, a sister, as wife, a mother, a successful business person. Now I felt like I was sinking into oblivion. I was supposed to feel free – not redundant and passed my use by date. I felt I was no use to anyone let alone myself.

I decided to look for a job where all I had to do was turn up and do my day’s work and go home. I couldn’t get a job, I was either over qualified or too old (no one said that but I could tell that is what they were thinking). I felt as if I was passed my prime. I had now turned 50 and felt no good to anyone.

TIME OUT 

A friend asked me to house sit for 12 months while they traveled Australia. I rented my house and sat in the sun for twelve months. My friend and I cleaned toilets and bathrooms to make ends meet.

During this time I read everything I could get my hands on pertaining to menopause, second adulthood, life cycles etc. There was very little information available, most books only focused on the physical symptoms of menopause. 

HRT

During this time the Doctor had put me on HRT, explaining that women were not meant to live past menopause, so we needed help.

While I was house sitting I began waking up at 4 am each morning having a panic attack, fearful that I would become a ‘bag lady’. I since read other women’s accounts of similar fears.  I believe that it is a fear of not being able to look after oneself when going through such a deep change.

I found that initially HRT game me energy to do some of the things I had not been able to keep up such as exercise. However, after six months of trying  to get the dosage right I stopped taking it. I decided that I was not  going to medicate myself for what I was beginning to understand was a natural journey.  I do not dismiss the use of HRT for anyone else. That is their choice. 

READING

By this time two books had become my bible – Passage to Power by Leslie Kenton and New Passages by Gail Sheehy. Kenton talks about the need for progesterone and the Crone’s Retreat (time out). Sheehy describes the rocky journey through middlescence (perimenopause) into our second adulthood. A passage that enables you to uncover the hidden parts of you that were buried along the way of becoming successful, raising a family, being a wife or just living in society. 

[Both of these books available at The Terrace Bookshop Kiama and other quality bookstores.]

MY JOURNEY

I made the choice then to honour this journey into second adulthood, to allow myself to feel the uncertainty, to mourn the losses and to heal the unhealed.

It took two years from when I first realised I was burnt out to feeling in control of my life again.  During the second year my self care was my priority. I saw a naturopath, a counsellor and a massage therapist as well as meditating regularly. All of these helped me sort through the accumulation of unresolved issues.

By the time I turned 52 I felt I had a new confidence, a new direction. I wanted to help women navigate and understand this sacred journey into the power of our second adulthood. I wanted to educate women on the benefits of grieving all that we feel we re losing rather than to medicate ourselves through this grieving and letting go process. This really is the ‘passage to wisdom and power’ if we choose to take it.

With some understanding of what is happening to you and if necessary someone to explain this process and someone to listen to you as you sort through your life, it will feel much more exciting than frightening.

If you can identify with any of this please contact me 02 4257 8546 or by e-mail and we can discuss how I can help or what other help is available to you.